Temporary

I'd like to first take the time to say Happy Birthday to some wonderful people who are part of my life, once were or who have simply made an impact upon it. Who knew that so many birthdays of people in my life could possibly take place on one day.

1. Poppa

I'd like to take the time to say Happy Birthday to the most fabulous poppa in the world. (Dad - that's your birthday gift... that part where I called you fabulous.) But really, I don't know what I'd do without my poppa. For one, I would definitely be without a car by now... or terribly in debt. I may have even had to learn how to change a flat tire or properly check my oil. And, worse, I would've never gotten to visit the world's largest junk yard.

I wouldn't know how to fish and I definitely would have never gone hunting. (Errr.. maybe that'd be a good thing.) I'd have no one to eat my baked goods gone wrong. But more importantly, I simply wouldn't be here without him. Literally. I love you Daddy - sorry I missed out on the cake and ice cream at your "party".

2. Pappy 

Today would have been my grandfather's 76th birthday. The picture above is of my grandparents and their children - my mom and her sisters. My mom is the furthest to the left. Priceless.

3. Kara

Picture stolen from Brandy Snyder ;]

This is sort of a Happy Birthday, but more just a chance to stop and say thank you. Kara serves as the Public Relations captain for Penn State York's THON. She makes every poster and advertisement you see but more than that, she always brings a smile and good attitude to every meeting, event, captains meeting.. and shes at all of them, always. Maybe it seems a little corny but if you ever find yourself trapped in the SGA office on a Thursday afternoon, well, you'll understand. Kara, thank you sincerely for all the hard work you've put in over the past few months and for never complaining when I send you the text begging for a flyer by the next afternoon. I hope you had an incredible birthday! 

4. Toine

A BOTRT flashback. I'm going to leave it at that. Happy Birthday Anthony!

5. Cezanne

While we're on the subject of birthdays, why not talk about Cezanne who would have celebrated his 172nd birthday today. For those of you who aren't familiar with the name, Cezanne was a French Post-Impressionist known for his use of bright colors and his series of landscapes, portraits and still lives. 

But, to change the subject from birthdays..

I like to think about things from a one word perspective. Sometimes I find myself getting caught up in elaborate descriptions, never ending imagery, unrelenting explanations and in all of those words, I lose the real meaning. Today's word is temporary.

When I babysat today, I was given some reaffirming advice - "You may think you know who you are now, but at nineteen, trust me, you don't." I don't think those words could have come at a better time. (Now, to be honest, they were in the context of why I shouldn't get married now - which trust me, I'm not even considering, but still, they rang true)

My biggest downfall is that I become easily and inseparably attached to things - be they people, hobbies, ideas, philosophies, even songs. An addictive personality? Perhaps. An optimist of the worst degree? More likely. I hold onto things as though they are permanent. Every friend I make becomes a "the lifelong friend" or "a best friend" in days. I skip the steps of adequately judging someone, I take everyone at face value, I see the good and justify the bad. 

And ultimately, I get hurt.

I'm too trusting, too committed. I let everyone use me for their temporary needs and find myself sitting back afterwards wondering where my friend went. The person that I spent the past few weeks with. The person who I'd talk to on the phone every day. Gone. And better yet... Why? I look for closure, I seek it in all the ways I know how but ultimately, I live with that question for.. well, I won't say forever but, you know.

Temporary. At this age, in this culture, temporary is commonplace. It's acceptable and expected to maintain a friendship for a short period, until your wants or needs are met, and then to move on. We don't even purchase things with the intent of them lasting a life time. We don't choose a neighborhood because we could see our selves walking down that same block in fifty years, still happily married and enjoying our retirement together. We simply do what we want for now.

The temporary breaks my heart. 

I know we've all been in situations where we are forced to make the best of a situation, to make friends with the girl in your English project group, to get along with your club members, to smile when your brother's new girlfriend (who you really don't have a good first impression of) walks through the door and most of us, grin and bear it. I'm not quite part of that "us". I embrace situations, I make something out of nothing, I see the good that's maybe not really there. 

And so, I've learned today that I need to tread a little more carefully. To test the waters before I jump in, so to speak. To not give myself wholly to anything without understanding the full intentions. Because, well, I'm tired of the temporary.

Sometimes though, temporary is good. This is my temporary happiness for the day. A finished tutu and a three year old friend to share it with. Answering the door for the UPS man, wearing said tutu. Watching Home Alone and rewinding through all the funny parts. "Oh Snap!" Bath time. Valentine's hearts. Mostly, a break from the real world and an escape to the world of ballerinas, faries and mermaids.