Friday, February 22, 2013

Making Other Plans

Yesterday, I stumbled upon this chalkboard art on the new-to-me blog of Kotryna Bass. While you may have noticed my passion for all things chalk lately, the quote struck me for a different reason. It wasn't that it was the first time I had seen or heard the words, but this time, they seemed painfully fitting for my present state of mind.

It's no secret that I'm a dreamer, a planner. I'm goal oriented, fueled by achievement. I only feel settled when I'm make lists and goals and checking them off. I prefer to keep myself in consistent forward motion, always going, always doing. For four years, I balanced a heavy course load, more work hours than I ever needed, a handful of friendships, and more commitments than I could handle. And yet, I used every free moment left to make plans - plans for my the summer, plans for the next year, for my career, for the places I would live, for graduate school. I waited anxiously for the day I would be finished with my degree, I counted down the months until I would get a chance to breath a little more easily.

Now, my undergraduate degree is finished, I'm 21, I'm living on the other side of the country, and I'm a bit confused as to where all of that time has gone. Worse yet, I haven't quite figured out what to do with all of the freedom, all of the empty time, I've been left with. I've never been one to enjoy down time and  that hasn't changed. I can hardly wait to be back in classes, to find a full time job, to be busy once again.

With graduate school quickly approaching  I've started to fill my time with more plans. While I crave and embrace change, decision making makes me anxious. Simple choices like paint colors and dinner plans are difficult enough for me but major life decisions? They're all but paralyzing. I've spent weeks doing research on different cities, different schools; comparing financial aid packages, living costs, commuting distances.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, I guess it's all just to say that planning and change are, well, exhausting. Here's to finding a better balance between planning and living.

No comments:

Post a Comment